The Perfect Entrance
by TheMarkovProperty
Summary: (Moving fics over from my AO3 account of the same name) Sardonyx gives Stevonnie some pointers on showmanship. Takes place a few years post-canon.


For the third time that afternoon, the beach house glowed with a rosy light that could be seen from across the city.

The light suddenly coalesced into a figure, and as they floated to the ground, they manifested a shield and drew their sword with a flourish. They slashed the air in front of them and thrust their shield at the warp pad, proclaiming, "Prepare for trouble, and make it double!"

For several moments, they stared down the tripod-mounted camera menacingly before scooping it up with a giggle and sliding over to the coffee table. There, they eagerly replayed the video, grading their theatrics and entering the scores into a table: Performance 10, Delivery 10, Cool-factor 10, Creativity 10, Intimidation-factor 10. "Oh, man, that one was really good."

They looked down at the sheet of paper before them, pleased to note that each attempt had achieved perfect marks. With a pop, they separated back into their components, who immediately started brainstorming their next set of lines.

Steven reset the camera as Connie resheathed the sword, and the two of them refused with a kiss.

As the light enveloped them, the warp pad sprang to life, signaling Garnet and Pearl's return from their mission. They walked around each side of the tripod, moving to greet Stevonnie as they finished forming.

With their eyes closed, Stevonnie drew their sword once more, took a step forward, and swung wildly. Pearl yelped and ducked under the blade while Garnet leaned out of range. "They said that- oh, hey guys."

"Hello you," Garnet grinned.

"Sorry about that." Stevonnie sheathed their sword, went to the warp pad, and shut off the camera, "How'd the mission go? Did you get what you needed from the ship?"

Pearl sighed, "No, this one didn't have the codes either. We'll just have to keep guessing…"

"Don't worry Pearl. I'm sure you and Peridot can figure it out!"

"Thanks, Stevonnie," Pearl said, smiling. She looked between the fusion, the camera, the sword, and the cluttered coffee table, "What have you been up to?"

"I've been practicing my entrances! Although maybe I could have chosen a safer spot…"

"Your what?"

"Their entrance," Garnet repeated, as if Pearl hadn't heard.

Stevonnie rubbed the stubble on their chin, "Hmm, you know how super heroes always have a cool catchphrase that they say when they show up to save the day? Well, I was practicing mine!"

"Oooh, that sounds like fun," Pearl said.

"It's been going really well. I've already got, like, five phrases."

"You know, I was quite the expert back in the day. I wasn't called the 'Terrifying Renegade' without cause."

"Ooh, ooh, could you help me practice? Please?"

The elder Crystal Gems shared a smirk. "No," Garnet said, setting her hand on Pearl's shoulder, "but I think we know a gem who would."

Sardonyx sat cross legged atop the temple hill, leaning against the lighthouse as she filmed the young fusion before her.

Stevonnie grappled with an invisible foe, aggressively swinging their weapons, and when it was dispatched they pointed up at her with a fierce glare, shouting, "Welcome to the picnic; I hope you're hungry for a jam sandwich."

Sardonyx's cry thundered down the hillside, "Ohhhhhh ho ho- hmmmmm…"

"So what'd ya' think?"

"That dance was inspired, darling! And the swordplay sent a chill through my form!" Two of her hands cupped her cheeks, while the other pair clutched her shoulders as she mocked a shiver. "Buuuut... I'm afraid I don't quite, uh, get it."

Stevonnie put their weapons away. "It's like a knuckle sandwich," they said, striking the air. "Hooooo, hi-ya hya. Except I'm made of jam buds, so it's a jam sandwich instead!"

"Ohhhh ho ho ho ho, how clever! I love it. But-" she said, raising a finger, "if your audience isn't aware of your strawberry synergy, the line kind of loses its… punch."

"Yeah, that's true."

"It's a great line, but remember! We're looking for an entrance worthy of such a marvelous experience, one that instills awe and dread, that sends the Homeworld gems running for their ships!"

"Ooh, I've got just the one!" They promptly unfused, and when Sardonyx signaled she was ready with the camera, they began their dance once more.  
In place of their usual show of force, they sauntered up to Sardonyx and scowled at the camera, "I know what you're thinking: 'is that one person or two?' Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I kinda lost track myself. But being as I'm Stevonnie Mahesiverse, the baddest fusion around, and my sword would cut clean through your form, you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do you punk?"

They tried to remain stoic as they finished, but they couldn't hold back a bubbly giggle, "How's that?"

"Ohhhhhh, myyyy. How delightfully terrifying! I very nearly fled, myself, darling! Ohh, ho ho ho ho ho!" She crossed her arms and brought a hand to her chin, "Still, I can't help but feel that it's a bit too long."

"I bet Pearl's concerned about me leaving myself open, huh?"

"Well. Yes. But! Basking in the spotlight can spoil the moment, love. You need to capitalize on the split-second shock of your grand reveal! I prefer to deliver a quick blow to their confidence as I leap into the fray!"

"I see…"

Stevonnie tried out many variations on their heroic entrance, with varying success:

"You Homeworld gems are truly, truly outrageous! Truly, truly, truly outrageous!"

...

"You're still here? You didn't take that time to flee? Well, that wasn't very smart…"

...

"They said chivalry was dead, but here I am."

"Umm…?" Sardonyx replied.

"I'm the personification of knightly valor!"

...

"Surrender! You're outnumbered."

...

"Hello, my name is Stevonnie Mahesiverse. You killed my father. Prepare-"

"Oh my Stars! They did what?!"

"Nothing! Nothing! It's from a movie!"

...

"Stop in the name of love! … Err, in the name of me? In my name? Hmm..."

...

Finally, Stevonnie said nothing, simply glaring at the camera in their best attempt at unprovoked, righteous anger.

They sighed and plopped down on the grass. As they laid back, trying to catch their breath, they gazed up at the larger fusion behind them.

"While I admire your dedication to a realistic performance, I think that's enough fusion practice for today."

"Yeah, I- we've never fused this many times in one day. It's exhausting!"

"We can keep practicing our lines, if you want; I've got nowhere else to be! Oh ho ho ho ho!"

"That's alright. I'm kinda out of ideas. I'll have to do some brainstorming after I separate. Wanna pick this up next week?"

"That sounds fabulous!"

"OK, I'm going to hold Garnet and Pearl to that…"

"But remember, darling, that while practice and preparation are important, the best performances are often improvised."

"Yeah, Steven feels that way too, but I just want to make sure that I'll get it right when it matters! Maybe then we wouldn't have to fight so much…"

"Oh, don't worry about that. You're a natural! A pro! And who could resist that ineffable charm of yours?"

"Homeworld gems, apparently," they muttered bitterly.

"Nonsense, nonsense! You've been doing a great job, love. The problem, as usual, lies with Homeworld. They indoctrinate gems before they can even emerge, and not everyone is open to reason."

"I- I know."

"For what it's worth, we've already recruited more gems than in the first hundred years of the rebellion. You guys are better at this than you think, better than even Rose was, and Garnet and Pearl are really proud of you."

Stevonnie hopped up and floated over to sit on Sardonyx's shoulder. Their hug almost wrapped all the way around her neck. "Thanks, Sards."

"No need for thanks! It's the truth, Stevonnie. The truth!"

"Still, thanks. I needed to hear that." They floated back to the ground and turned with a smile, "Do you… have time for a movie before you go?"

"For you? Always."


End file.
